Shit printers.

Printers. A sort of real story.

Unbelieveable that we just accept everything that Samsung and Canon throw at our heads. Such shit machines.

It is always something with those things.Or the ink is empty, the wifi is broken, the paper is stuck in the machine, new update, etc.

Of course i have the right to sit next to the computer, which results in my mother, sister and dad in asking me to print shit for them.

So when i am checking the lastest memes on my phone at 3am i suddenly get a message from my sis.

"Hey can you print this sheet music for me real quick, I need it for tomorrow"

Well, i wouldn't mind at all if this was like once a month, but I have the luck to have a sister on a musical school, so basically I am her print guy.

Super, awesome.

So, there is go down the stairs, in my My Little Pony Oncee, downing 3 cups of coffee in my throathole.

When i start my computer, i notice it's installing 20 updates, is stealing my data, and installing candy crush without me asking, and I decide to just grab my laptop.

The downside of my laptop is, is that it isn't connected to my printer via a usb cable, which my desktop is, And i wasn't feeling like hitting my head against the desk while i'm trying to grab a cable that of course, is all the way in the back.

While i open heaven on earth, otherwise known as web.whatsapp.com, i also boot up my printer.

Then i got to listen to a fucking rocket taking off in the middle of a festival, otherwise known as the:

SAMSUNG XPRESS C O L O R

While dodging multiple rocks from my neighbours and my mother, the printer finally finished loading.

Thinking the coast is clear, i remove my ear-protectos, bulletproof vest, and glasses and press the wifi button.

FAILED TO INITIALISE NETWORK

wtf.zip

It were probably the drivers, and OH BOY THE DRIVERS. Buckle up guys.

When we got the printer, it was delivered with a CD drive. This had the drivers on it i needed.

The downside of digitalising is that i get all my downloads online, so i didn't buy a CD drive for my computer.

I wouldn't need it anyway, I get everything off the piratebay anyway. ain't nobody got time for dat'.

So I iron my suit, brush my teeth, and prepare myself for the most formal mail of my whole life:

Rolf Moerland -> Samsung Support

Dear Samsung Support,

A while ago we bought the

SAMSUNG XPRESS C O L O R

From your company. Sadly i'd like to communicate that we're experiencing some difficulties with installing your product.

The installation medium you provided seems useless for us, since we are missing a CD driver in our Electronic information-processing machine.

I'd like to request to recieve this product digitally so we can use your machine to it's full potential.

With extreme kind regards,

Rolf Moerland.

Official owner of "ROLF'S RANTS tm."

And then, we had to wait. But after 2 weeks (Appearantly the files were hard to find) Rolf got a reaction.

While running downstairs, i grab my formal suit, throw 10 kilo of was in my hair, and al tripping i come downstairs and read the e-mail.

Samsung Support -> Rolf Moerland

Yoo Rolf, Indeed not meant to happen, we;ll fx that real quick lol

We do need that guarantee letter or something cause we are not going to exchange drivers to everyone you know for people who might misuse that or something are only for people with the

SAMSUNG XPRESS C O L O R

You know what, here's a link, just send your warranty card to that, just scan it in or something oh wait your printer is broken lolol

Deeply dissapointed, Rolf is looking at his screen. Furiously Rolf started doing what he can do best, ranting.

He put some metallica in the background, purely for the "fuck everything" vibe, and there he went.

His fingers were slipping over the keyboard, like it was a informatica test, there was no stopping him.

Rolf Moerland -> Samsung Support

What a fucking bullshit. Why would someone need drivers for a printer that they don't have

So go ahead and go sell your 100$ inkt cardridges or something.

To be honest i don't even want the

SAMSUNG XPRESS C O L O R

anymore if it's going to be like This

With a bit less kind, but still kind of nice regards,

Rolf Moerland.

Official owner of "ROLF'S RANTS tm."

And after 17 years, Rolf finally got a email again

Samsung Support -> Rolf Moerland

Holy shit man was just a joke, ill put it into this mail, because you know, samsung support is superiour, also please fill in this question list, is about the

SAMSUNG XPRESS C O L O R

btw vollow my insta: Xx_samsungsupportgastje_xX

And i wasn't looking forward into reliving that again. So instead of trying to do it over wifi, he decided to put the files on a usb and print it like that.

After putting the files on the usb, and selection them the fire alarm with built in printer started to work.

the first few pages went without any trouble, but the pages following started to slow down slowly...

Come on, 3 more pages, 2 more, 1 more...

And then the paper became stuck

Fuck.exe

Then my sis came down screaming that I was a hacker, and i should just fucking fix it already

So I did, and i tried to disassemble it, with my shaky hand.

Halfway removing the motherboard of the well known

SAMSUNG XPRESS C O L O R

My father came in my room as well.

"SAY, WHY ARE YOU NOT IN BED YET? WHAT ARE YOU DOING? ARE YOU DESTROYING OUR PRINTER? WHAT IN GODS NAME IS HAPPENING? I KNEW WE SHOUDL HAVE ABORTED YOU, YOU ARE A DISSAPOINTMENT YOU AER GOING TO BED RIGHT NOW BECAUSE YOU HAVE SCHOOL TOMORROW IF YOU ARE SICK TOMORROW YOU'LL BE GOING TO SCHOOL ANYWAY EVEN IF YOU PUKE ALL OVER MY FEET ect.

And so, there i was, assembling a printer, while being beat with a belt, getting thrown with bricks by my neighbours, while drinking coffee at 3am.

Resoldering the scanmodule to the frame, while trying not to puke to keep all the coffee in my throat, ignoring the belt hitting my arms, and while dodging the bricks with some extraordinary moves, the lamp started to glow again. half dead i see the last page fall out of the printer.

Ting!

And so, Rolf went to bed at 5 am.

And while he's trying to sleep, even though he just drank litres and litres of coffee, he saw he got a notification on his phone.

Hoping it is a friend, just so he feels a bit less lonely, he burns his eyes at the amount of light coming from the screen.

And after putting the brightness a bit down, he read the notification. He recieved a mail

Samsung Support -> Rolf Moerland

Yoo dude how was our customer support k thnx

And thus, Rolf closed his phone, but just saw a whatsapp message coming through.

Hoping it was a classmate this time, maybe someone who can't sleep, he read who sent it.

It was a message from his sister. She probably wanted to thank him, for his work. Which he quite respected. He quickly openened it.

"Yoo Rolf i forgot this file can you print this one as well"